It's better this way
by UnluckyAmulet
Summary: Beast Boy wanted Terra to remember. Terra wanted him to forget. Post Things Change.


Hey readers. This is my first Teen Titan fanfic, but I don't own it!

Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

You never gave up on me.

That's what I can't get over. The one thing I wasn't able to understand. I thought that you had stopped caring, back then in that House of Mirrors.

_"Slade was right. You don't have any friends."  
_  
I felt my heart crack in half then. I never realised exactly how those few little words could completely destroy me inside. My heart was breaking, with my blood gushing all over the floor, all over me. And you walked away and didn't care, because I deserved it. Of course I did, I know that. After what I did to the others, when all they had done was be good to me...but you hurt me, Beast Boy.

I wanted your acceptance, I guess. I know that I deserved none of it, and that you had every right to do that, to be angry, but I wanted it regardless.

And I still remember. I remember your face, looking into mine. Your eyes looking into mine. Slade was controlling me then, when I had the stalagmite pointed at your heart. And in a way, it's still in there. But I chose not to do it. I remember all those eyes, watching me. The titans, Slade and you. But you still carried on believing I would do the right thing, believing in me. I did what I had to do, I guess. I did do the right thing, but only after I'd done bad things. Horrible things.

_"You were the best friend I ever had,"_ I'd said. But there was so much more that I wanted to say, but there was no more time.

I had to pretend. I broke your heart, more then once. You have no idea how afraid I was of you then, Beast Boy. I thought you would hate me.

I think...I think I almost _wanted _you to hate me, even though that was exactly what I was scared, of because I deserved it...because I betrayed you. I betrayed all of you. But you didn't hate me. You were so happy to see me, weren't you?

Why?

Why would you be happy to see the girl that hurt you so much?

But even though I tried to push you away, you still followed me. I had to do something for you, Beast Boy. I had to protect you, stop you getting hurt. I have to protect you. I had to protect you from me. It might hurt, at first. It might even hurt for a long time, I don't know. But it would hurt you so much more if you were with me.

You will be better without me, even though it won't feel like it to you. I'm not worth your trust, no matter what you say, no matter what you try to get me to believe. From the first moment I met you, you wanted to help me and you gave me your trust without question. Some might say you were too trusting, but I was so happy. Finally, I thought, here are some people who are like me. Maybe they could even be friends. Maybe I finally have a home.

But Slade had other ideas. And I believed his lies, even though you told me. Even though I knew.

_"No-one understands you, Terra. No-one else can help you! I'll be waiting!"_  
He did wait. Slade waited for me, when I was running. I was always running. I suppose, really, that I'm still doing it now. But this time, I'm done running. If only you could stay the distance I made. But then, I had to run. I had to run from you, from the titans. And Slade found me, saved me from myself, taught me how to control that desperate power inside of me.

But as it turned out, I needed saving from Slade, but I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe it until it was too late. All you wanted to do, Beast Boy was make me see sense. Slade beat it into me.

But now, now the only thing Slade will do is haunt me. I'm useless to him now- Now to him, I'm just a memory of a girl who he once tried to use for control, a useless puppet. But in the end, I took control.  
It was the something I'd never had before, and it was the something I had always wanted, and something that Slade had taught me. My powers were finally being used because I was doing the right thing. I tried to good before, Beast Boy. I tried. It didn't work, before, and I had to run.

But like I said, I'm done running.

Now, I'm just a normal girl, alone with her memories, but they're locked up inside me. On the outside, I smile, I laugh, I pretend. My friends think they know me; I'm just a girl who isn't particularly popular or special or anything. Just a girl.

Sometimes, I still see glimpses of you, everywhere. I'll see a flash of green, or hear footsteps and turn and there will be nothing there and I'm alone, even with my friends. Is it the same for you, Beast Boy? Do you still feel this painful, empty loneliness, even with the Teen Titans? Even with your friends?

It might hurt, Beast Boy, but...

It's better this way.


End file.
